7 Ways to Jump Ship Mid-Date (and Survive)!

Melissa Schreiber | 13.04.17 | | Comments

When you are looking for love, the dating game can get exhausting, especially when it comes to online dating. You meet a seemingly nice person online, you try to get excited for yet another first date and get yourself spruced up. You don’t really know what your night will be like until you meet them in person. Sometimes, your intuition was right and you wish your date could last forever, and you wait in anticipation afterwards for a text or a call. Other times, however, you’re disappointed, having an awful time, and just can’t wait to go home. But you can’t just leave, can you? Indeed, you can! Read on to find out how the best tricks for ducking out of that terrible date early.

7 Excuses to Help You Bow Out Gracefully

For most of these to work, all you need is a trip to the bathroom and a best friend. For some of these, you don’t even need anything except okay lying skills. Tell your friend in advance that you may be needing her help, so she’ll be available. If you can’t stand one more minute of your date anymore, you need these excuses.

1. Your cat is sick

Is your date making you squirm? If he’s not a bad guy, but you’re having the most awkward night of your life, no one can blame you for leaving early. Excuse yourself and go to the bathroom. Call your friend and tell her to call you back in 2 minutes. When she calls you, the phone call will probably go something like this:

Your friend: *Sings your most hated song that makes you want to kill yourself.

You: Hi, what’s up?

Friend: *Song gets louder and is now sung in Smeagol’s voice

You: OMG!! Fluffy is sick? What happened?

Friend: *Song is now sung in an opera voice and an Italian accent

You: Sick all over the carpet?! I’ll be there right away!

Voila – now you’re set to tell your car Fluffy is sick, and you need to run to the vet. Your date can’t argue with that.

2. Your dog is missing

Does your date have breath that makes you want to run for your life? Get outta there! Pet excuses work very well. Go to the bathroom, and call your trusty friend. Tell her to text you in one minute.

When you get back to the table, your phone will buzz with a text.

Friend: *Sends you cute puppy gif

You (out loud): Oh no!

Your date: What’s wrong?

You: My roommate left the door open and my dog got out! I need to go find poor Buster!

And your night of trying to hold your breath so you don’t have to smell him is over.

3. You have an early morning meeting

This one doesn’t require any friend. It’s a pretty obvious one, especially if it’s only 7 at night, but you can’t listen to one more story about just how wonderful your date, Braggy Von Braggerson is – so you don’t really care if he knows you’re full of it.

Your date: …I do still have a minor scar from the cat’s scratches, but someone had to save the poor girl from the vicious cat.

You: Wow, you’re really a hero…. Oh, that reminds me! I just remembered I have an important meeting in the morning, and I need to get to sleep.

Him: But it’s only 8:00.

You: I know, so late! I should have been in bed hours ago

4. Your stomach is…upset

If your date is so obnoxious that you don’t mind leaving him with a nasty image of you, take a leisurely trip to the bathroom (stay at least five minutes). When you come back, hold your stomach in pain.

You: Aaaahhh – I think I have food poisoning. I feel bad for the next girl who uses the bathroom, is all I can say.

Your date: Okay, check please! [He’s thinking, “TMI! Better get rid of her, fast!”

5. Your friend’s flat has been broken into

Did you think you were meeting a handsome guy, but when he turns up it’s clear that his profile picture was from 10 years ago, and honestly, probably isn’t even him?  That’s not cool. You don’t need to stay at the date for more than a minute. Excuse yourself and go to the bathroom, then call a friend. When she calls you back, the phone call probably will go like this:

Your friend: I’ve got Love Actually streaming and hot chocolate on the stove! So glad that I’m your Plan B.

You: Omigod! Someone broke into your flat and stole everything you own? Are you okay? Sure, I’ll come right over

6. Your roommate got locked out of the flat

Is your date too touchy-feely and doesn’t seem to get that you are not the least bit attracted to him? He has got to go. Ask your friend to text you in a couple minutes.

Your friend: *Sends octopus gif

You: *Tries to stifle laugh.

You: Oh no! – My forgetful roommate locked herself out of the apartment again. I better go let her in. Such a shame, I was having a great time.

Your date: Oh, would you like me to come with –

You: Bye (forever)

7. Your parents arrived for a surprise visit

Has your date started talking about how cute your kids would be, and you haven’t even ordered yet? Clingy, much? No point sticking around.

Take your phone out of your bag.

You: Wow – good thing I decided to check my phone now! My mom’s been trying to reach me – apparently my parents decided to stop by for one of her surprise visits again. I should go meet them.

Your date: How nice! I’d love to meet your parents.

You: Trust me, you don’t want to meet them, they’re nuts!

You: *Run.

Well, there you have it. You’ll never need to sit through a miserable date again. If you need more excuses, check out the brilliant Gotta Go app. You’ll find plenty there!

Want to find someone you actually want to sit through a whole dinner with? Check out our list of top dating sites.

Have some excuses that have worked for you? Tell us in the comments below!

Melissa Schreiber

Melissa is a lover of love, writing, and pretty things. A hopeless romantic, she lives her life as if she’s in a romcom and believes that sometimes you need to actively find your destiny instead of waiting for it to find you. An experienced online dater, Melissa understands how dating sites are the modern day matchmakers.

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