How to Know if Your Date is Toxic—and What to Do Next

Dating should be fun—a mix of flirty conversation, shared laughter, and maybe the spark of something more. But what happens when that spark feels… off? You might find yourself asking, “What is a toxic relationship?” or even, “Am I dating a toxic person?”

What is a toxic person? What is toxic behavior? Are you attracting these types of people or entertaining these relationships?

Let’s be honest: spotting toxic behavior on a date isn’t always easy. Sure, there are the obvious red flags, but most toxic dynamics are far more subtle. A seemingly harmless comment could have you questioning your self-worth, or their charm might leave you wondering, “Is this too good to be true?” Add to that the chaotic world of online dating—where dating apps are toxic breeding grounds for unhealthy behavior—and it’s no wonder so many of us feel overwhelmed.

So, how do you know if someone is trouble? More importantly, what makes a relationship toxic in the first place? And if you find yourself in one, can a toxic relationship become healthy? The truth is, recognizing what toxic behavior is and learning how to deal with toxic people is important not just for your dating life but for your emotional health.

In this guide, we’ll uncover the signs of a toxic dating experience, how to spot them early, and what steps to take if things go south. Because the right relationship shouldn’t leave you guessing—it should make you feel safe, supported, and completely yourself.

Let’s dive right in, shall we?

What Does Toxic Behavior Look Like on a Date?

As mentioned, spotting toxic behavior on a date can be tricky. It’s not like they’re going to show up with a neon sign that says, “Warning: I’m Trouble!” Toxicity often hides behind charm, confidence, or what seems like harmless banter. But if you know what to look for, you can save yourself a whole lot of heartache (and maybe even a few bad second and third dates).

Here is a quick look at some of the toxic behaviors that can show up on dates. For a more detailed explanation, you can continue scrolling.

They Always Have to Be in Control

Does your date insist on picking the restaurant, ordering for you, or dominating every conversation? At first, it might seem like they’re taking charge in a confident, sexy way, but watch for signs that it’s less about mutual enjoyment and more about asserting control. A partner who doesn’t value your input early on may struggle to respect your voice later in the relationship.

They Gaslight You

Statements like, “You’re overthinking it,” or, “You’re too sensitive,” might sound harmless at first, but let’s be real—they’re textbook examples of what toxic behavior is. If you’ve ever found yourself asking, “Am I dating a toxic person?” or trying to spot the signs of a toxic dating experience, these subtle digs are a major clue. What makes a relationship toxic is often hidden in moments like these—when toxic behavior in a date starts to chip away at your confidence, leaving you second-guessing your instincts.

Over time, it’s these little jabs that can erode your self-esteem and make you question what is a toxic relationship and whether it’s time to walk away. Knowing how to spot this is key to figuring out how to deal with toxic people before they do real damage.

Love-Bombing Galore

Everyone loves a little romance, but when the grand gestures and over-the-top compliments start pouring in on date one, it’s worth asking, “Why are they moving so fast?” Love-bombing often feels overwhelming instead of flattering and is a tactic toxic people use to reel you in and gain control before you even know what’s happening.

They Ignore Your Boundaries

Boundaries are non-negotiable in any healthy relationship. If your date brushes off your cues, pressures you into sharing too much, or tries to push physical closeness before you’re ready, that’s a serious red flag. Respect is the foundation of trust—without it, there’s no path to a healthy connection.

You Feel Drained or Anxious After the Date

Your feelings are your greatest ally when it comes to spotting toxic behavior. If you leave a date feeling emotionally drained, anxious, or just “off,” trust that instinct. A healthy date should leave you feeling excited, confident, and seen—not questioning your worth or replaying uncomfortable moments in your head.

Signs They’re Manipulative

Manipulation doesn’t always show up with flashing lights and sirens. Sometimes, it’s subtle—hidden in sweet words, clever excuses, or moments that leave you feeling strangely unsettled. The tricky thing about being manipulated is that you often don’t notice it until you’re already in too deep. Here’s how to catch the signs before they pull you under.

They Twist Your Words

Ever feel like no matter what you say, it gets flipped around and used against you? Manipulators are pros at turning your innocent comments into something they can hold over your head. It leaves you second-guessing yourself and wondering, “Did I say something wrong?” Spoiler: You didn’t.

They Make You Feel Guilty for Setting Boundaries

A simple “I’m not ready to talk about that yet” or “I’d rather take things slow” shouldn’t cause drama. But manipulators have a way of making you feel like your boundaries are unreasonable or, worse, selfish. Healthy people respect your limits; toxic ones see them as obstacles to bulldoze.

You’re Always Apologizing—Even When It’s Not Your Fault

If you find yourself saying “sorry” way too often, take a step back. Manipulators are experts at shifting blame so subtly that you take responsibility for things you didn’t even do. That’s not accountability; it’s a power move.

They’re a Pro at the Guilt Trip Game

Do they constantly remind you of all the “amazing” things they’ve done for you, only to make you feel bad for not reciprocating in the exact way they want? This tactic keeps you feeling indebted, even if you never asked for those grand gestures in the first place.

They Make You Feel Like You’re Always Overreacting

“You’re so dramatic.” “Relax, it’s not a big deal.” If you’ve heard these phrases on repeat, they’re likely trying to downplay your feelings and make you question your reactions. Pro tip: Your emotions are valid, and no one gets to tell you otherwise.

They Keep You Guessing About Their Intentions

One day they’re sweet and attentive; the next, they’re distant or moody. This hot-and-cold behavior keeps you on edge, constantly wondering what version of them you’re going to get. It’s a classic manipulation tool designed to make you work harder for their approval.

Your Confidence Takes a Hit

A great relationship should build you up, not leave you questioning your worth. If your date’s comments or actions make you feel less confident or unsure about yourself, take note. Manipulators thrive on keeping you insecure—it gives them more control.

Manipulation might be sneaky, but your intuition is sharper. If something feels off, trust that feeling. Healthy relationships are built on respect, honesty, and balance—not power plays disguised as affection. You deserve better, so don’t settle for less.

Signs of Disingenuity

Ah, charm—the secret weapon of every smooth talker. It can sweep you off your feet or leave you spinning in confusion. But there’s a fine line between someone being genuinely charismatic and their charm being a little too... much. Here’s how to figure out if their sweet talk is sincere or if it’s a warning sign in disguise.

They Compliment You... But It Feels Performative

We all love a good compliment, but if their flattery feels rehearsed or over-the-top, it might be a red flag.

A genuine compliment might sound like: “I noticed how passionate you are when you talk about your career. It’s inspiring.” This shows they’re paying attention to who you are as a person.

Overwhelming charm, on the other hand, might be: “You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. I can’t believe someone like you would go out with someone like me.” At first, it might seem sweet, but if their compliments are excessive or generic, it can feel more like a tactic to win your favor than a genuine observation.

They’re Too Good to Be True

Imagine this: they claim to have traveled to 20 countries, mastered three languages, and once saved a puppy from a burning building—all before dessert. While impressive, it can also feel a little... scripted.

A genuinely charming person might share something relatable, like a funny story about a travel mishap or an awkward moment at work. Perfection can be a red flag, especially if their stories seem crafted to dazzle rather than connect.

They Dominate the Spotlight

You’re sharing a story about your recent vacation, and before you’ve even finished, they cut in with their way better vacation story—complete with how they met a celebrity at a five-star resort.

True charm looks like this: they listen, ask questions, and encourage you to share more about your experience. Overwhelming charm shifts the focus back to them at every opportunity, leaving little room for genuine conversation.

They Move at Lightning Speed

You’ve barely ordered drinks, and they’re already saying things like: “I can’t believe how amazing you are. I feel like I’ve known you forever. Where have you been all my life?” While it might feel romantic, it’s also a red flag—they’re creating a false sense of intimacy before you’ve had a chance to truly connect.

Genuine charm is patient and steady. They might say: “I’m really enjoying getting to know you. You have such an interesting perspective on things.” It feels natural and allows the relationship to progress at a healthy pace.

They Don’t Follow Through

They promise to call you the next day, take you to that new restaurant, or plan a weekend getaway—and then… radio silence. Or worse, they make excuses when you bring it up: “Oh, I totally forgot. I’ve been so busy lately.”

Genuine charm means their actions match their words. If they tell you they’ll call, they do. If they make plans, they stick to them. Overwhelming charm often involves empty promises designed to keep you intrigued without real follow-through.

You Feel More Overwhelmed Than Comfortable

Here’s an example: they hold your hand across the table, lock eyes with you for just a bit too long, and say something like: “I think this is the start of something incredible. I can feel it.” It might seem romantic, but if it leaves you feeling a little uneasy, trust that feeling.

Genuine charm feels light, fun, and uplifting—like a casual joke that makes you laugh or a thoughtful comment about something you shared earlier in the conversation. Overwhelming charm, by contrast, feels like they’re trying too hard to sweep you off your feet without giving you time to plant them firmly on the ground.

Spotting Red Flags Through Jokes that Cross the Line

Not every date is going to be a love story in the making, and that’s okay. Sometimes, the vibe just isn’t right, or toxic behavior on a date becomes impossible to ignore, and you realize it’s time to call it quits—politely, of course. In a world where dating apps are toxic breeding grounds for awkward or unhealthy encounters, knowing how to deal with toxic people and exit gracefully can save you from unnecessary drama while keeping things classy. Here’s what to say and how to handle the situation like a pro.

They Make Jabs at Your Appearance—And Expect You to Laugh

It starts innocently enough: “You look great—but are you always this dressed up for dates?” Or maybe, “Oh, you’re wearing those shoes? Bold choice.” On the surface, it might seem playful, but if their comments make you feel self-conscious or second-guess your choices, it’s worth questioning their intent.

Genuine humor lifts you up, making you feel even more fabulous than when the date began. A toxic “joke” subtly chips away at your confidence, all under the guise of playful banter.

They Turn Your Passions Into Punchlines

Imagine you’re sharing your love for baking, gaming, or a niche TV series you’re obsessed with, and they chime in with something like, “Wow, you must have a lot of free time,” or “People still watch that?” It’s not just a tease—it’s a tiny dig at something that brings you joy.

A truly supportive person will be curious about your interests, ask questions, and maybe even join in the fun. When someone mocks what makes you happy, it’s less about humor and more about belittling your individuality.

“It’s Just a Joke” Becomes Their Go-To Excuse

You call them out for crossing a line, and they immediately say, “Oh, come on, don’t be so serious. It’s just a joke!” This is a classic way to deflect responsibility and shift the focus back on you, making it seem like you’re the problem.

Healthy humor doesn’t need excuses or explanations. If their words genuinely hurt, a caring person will acknowledge it and apologize, not dismiss your feelings as overreaction.

You Start to Question Your Worth

Perhaps the most telling sign of all is how their jokes make you feel. Do you feel small, embarrassed, or insecure after their remarks? Do you find yourself replaying their words, wondering if you’re “too sensitive” or “can’t take a joke”? This emotional spiral isn’t normal, and it’s a strong indicator that their humor isn’t coming from a kind place.

How to Handle It

If a joke stings, don’t laugh just to smooth things over. Instead, try saying something like:

• “That didn’t feel very funny to me.”
• “I don’t get the joke—can you explain it?”

A kind person will listen and adjust their behavior. A toxic person might double down, get defensive, or even gaslight you into thinking you’re being unreasonable. Their reaction will tell you a lot about who they really are.

When It’s Time to Leave: Recognizing Deal-Breakers

Certain behaviors on a date are more than just awkward—they’re deal-breakers that signal it’s time to walk away. Here’s what to watch for:

• Disrespecting Boundaries: Ignoring your comfort levels or pushing for things you’re not ready for.
• Making You Feel Unsafe: Any actions that make you feel physically or emotionally vulnerable.
• Dismissing Your Feelings: Brushing off your emotions with phrases like, “You’re overreacting,” or making everything about them.
• Patterns of Toxic Traits: Repeated behaviors like manipulation, control, or constant criticism.
• Violating Trust: Lies, inconsistencies, or signs they’re hiding something significant.
• Gut Instincts: If your intuition says, “Something’s off,” it’s probably right.

If you encounter any of these deal-breakers, it’s time to prioritize yourself. A simple, polite exit is all you need—your well-being is worth more than giving someone a second chance to cross the line.

What to Say if You Need to Cut the Date Short

Not every date is going to be a love story in the making, and that’s okay. Sometimes, the vibe just isn’t right, or a deal-breaker pops up, and you realize it’s time to call it quits—politely, of course. Knowing how to deal with toxic people and exit gracefully can save you from unnecessary awkwardness while keeping things classy. Here’s what to say and how to handle the situation like a pro.

The Polite But Honest Exit

If the date isn’t working for you but there’s no major drama, a straightforward approach works best. Try:

• “Thanks for meeting me, but I don’t think we’re a match. I really appreciate your time.”
• “This has been nice, but I don’t feel a romantic connection. I think it’s best to cut the date short.”

These are kind, honest, and leave no room for confusion. Plus, they show respect for both your time and theirs.

The “Something Came Up” Approach

Sometimes, you don’t feel comfortable diving into the real reasons. That’s where a polite excuse comes in handy. Examples include:

• “I just remembered I have an early morning tomorrow, so I should probably head out.”
• “I’m not feeling great, and I think it’s best if I call it a night.”

While this isn’t the most transparent option, it’s a graceful way to exit without confrontation.

When You Feel Unsafe

If your date’s behavior crosses a line or makes you uncomfortable, prioritize your safety. Keep your exit simple and firm:

• “I need to leave now. Thank you for understanding.”
• “Something’s come up, and I have to go. Have a good night.”

If you feel unsafe, don’t hesitate to inform someone nearby, like a server or bartender, that you need assistance. You don’t owe anyone an explanation in these situations—your safety comes first.

For Virtual Dates

Cutting a virtual date short? The same rules apply:

• “I’ve enjoyed chatting, but I think we’re looking for different things. Thanks for your time!”
• “It’s been nice to meet you, but I think it’s best to end the call here. Take care!”

Virtual settings make it even easier to be direct without worrying about logistics like transportation.

If They Push Back

Sometimes, the other person won’t take the hint or will try to guilt you into staying. In that case, stay firm:

• “I’ve made up my mind, and I need to leave. Thank you for understanding.”
• “This isn’t up for discussion. I need to go now.”

You’re not obligated to stay just because someone pressures you. Remember, setting boundaries is a sign of self-respect, not rudeness.

A Quick Text Follow-Up (If Needed)

If you left early and feel the need to explain, keep it short and sweet:

• “Thanks again for meeting me. I didn’t feel a connection, but I wish you the best.”
• “I appreciate your time, but I don’t think we’re looking for the same things. Take care!”

Leaving a date early doesn’t have to be stressful. Whether you’re dealing with an awkward match or a downright unsafe situation, knowing what to say and how to stay composed ensures you can prioritize your comfort and move on with confidence. Because your time and energy are worth it.

For more polite options to send someone when you’re not feeling the spark, check out our article.

How to Protect Your Confidence After a Toxic Encounter

Leaving a toxic date can feel like a relief, but it might also leave you questioning yourself. “Did I overreact?” “Was it my fault?” First things first: it wasn’t your fault. Toxic encounters are draining, but they don’t define you. Here’s how to rebuild your confidence and keep your self-worth intact.

Remind Yourself of What You Did Right

Instead of replaying the date and second-guessing your reactions, focus on what you handled well. You recognized the red flags, trusted your instincts, and left when you knew it wasn’t right. That’s not overreacting—that’s self-respect in action.

Talk It Out with Someone You Trust

Call a friend, sibling, or anyone who knows how to hype you up. Share what happened, and let them remind you of your worth. Sometimes, just hearing someone say, “You deserve so much better,” is all it takes to reframe the experience.

Write Down What You Learned

Instead of dwelling on the negatives, focus on the takeaways. Maybe you learned to spot love-bombing, or you realized how important certain boundaries are to you. Write these lessons down—it turns the encounter into a stepping stone for growth.

Do Something That Makes You Feel Amazing

Confidence is built by doing things that remind you of how incredible you are. Go to your favorite workout class, binge a feel-good show, or treat yourself to that fancy coffee you love. Small joys can go a long way in resetting your mood.

Don’t Internalize Their Behavior

Toxic people often project their insecurities onto others. Their behavior wasn’t about you; it was about them. Remind yourself: “Their actions don’t reflect my value.” Say it as many times as you need until it sticks.

Reaffirm Your Standards

Toxic encounters have a way of showing you what you don’t want, which is just as important as knowing what you do. Take a moment to list the qualities you’re looking for in a partner. It helps you refocus on what you deserve and reminds you that the right person is out there.

Give Yourself Time

It’s okay to take a beat before diving back into dating. Healing and rebuilding confidence take time. When you’re ready, approach your next date with the same courage and self-awareness that helped you recognize the toxic behavior in the first place.

Toxic dates can be tough, but they’re also a reminder of your strength. You walked away from something that wasn’t right for you, and that’s a win in itself. Hold onto that strength, keep your standards high, and know that every step forward is one closer to finding someone who truly deserves you.

For more dating advice, check out articles like dating app convo starters that are designed to get reponses, and fun date ideas to break the ice.

Plus, feel free to check out our comparison lineup of the best-reviewed dating apps and sites! If you have a clear idea of what you’re looking for, EliteSingles might be the perfect choice to connect with someone who shares your academic background. However, if education isn’t a key factor for you, eHarmony or OurTime could be a better match for your dating preferences.