How to Talk to Women Online So They Respond

Knowing how to start a conversation with a girl isn’t easy for many. It can also be particularly challenging when you’re trying to talk to girls online. Although online dating has certainly made finding potential romantic partners much easier, the very nature of online conversations is naturally different from that of in-person interactions. Even people who know how to start a conversation with a girl offline can still have trouble striking up a convo with a girl they’ve noticed on a dating site.

That doesn’t need to be the case. This list of online dating tips will help you better understand what you can do to boost your odds of getting replies from women you’ve met online.

5 Important Tips for Successfully Talking to Women Online

Tip 1: Be Somewhat Original

A mistake far too many people of any gender make when reaching out to someone they’ve noticed or matched with via an online dating platform is also one of the simplest to avoid: starting the conversation by merely saying “Hi.”

Research indicates that women on Tinder get significantly more matches and “right swipes” than, for example, heterosexual men. Men are also more likely to send the first message than women.

That means that if you’ve spotted an interesting woman through an online dating platform, there’s a very good chance she’s receiving plenty of messages from other interested parties. You can’t rely solely on the strength of your profile to stand out. You need to make sure your initial message is more original than the numerous other messages she may receive in any given week.

Fortunately, doing so is easy. One of the simplest ways to make a stronger impression is to comment on her profile in an appropriate way (the next point in this article will explain what that means in more detail). For example, if something about her profile reveals you both share a particular common interest, you might want to mention that when first getting in touch.

This doesn’t merely ensure your first message won’t get lost among all the other “Hi” or “Hey” messages she’s likely to receive. It also indicates you actually took the time to genuinely review her profile, and aren’t messaging her simply because you find her physically attractive.

Granted, the amount of information you can glean from someone’s online dating profile will vary depending on the platform. For instance, Tinder limits how much someone can write about their lifestyle and interests to a much greater degree than such platforms as eharmony or Match. Regardless, if you’re wondering how to start a conversation with a girl online, finding a genuine reason to do so (and using that reason to guide what you say in your first message) will make a big difference.

2. Don’t be Creepy

This ties in with a point mentioned above. Yes, it helps to refer to a girl’s profile when you start to talk to girls online. However, you need to make sure you’re referencing the right aspects of the profile.

Online dating has the power to be extremely helpful for people of all genders and sexual orientations. That said, all dating, whether in-person or online, involves some potential drawbacks. Specifically, surveys reveal it’s not uncommon for women to receive “creepy” or harassing messages from people who’ve found them via dating apps or online dating platforms.

Knowing how to start a conversation with a girl online requires knowing what a girl doesn’t want to hear. In most cases, you won’t make the right impression by immediately commenting on her appearance. You should also never make sexual comments in your first message. Instead, reference an aspect of her profile that genuinely illustrates her identity, interests, lifestyle, priorities, etc. Show you’re interested in more than just a physical connection.

3. Don’t Listen to Pick-Up Artists

Far too many people who don’t know how to talk to women make the mistake of turning to the advice of so-called “pick-up artists.” Through books, seminars, TV shows, and much more, they’ve made a career out of offering advice to those who want to know how to talk to a woman.

The problem is, many of their tips aren’t actually valuable, and many women are more than familiar with them. For example, plenty of pick-up artists offering online dating tips will suggest that you should “neg” a woman in your first few messages. “Negging” involves including a subtle insult that is supposed to suggest you’re not actually that interested in this woman. The supposed goal of this strategy is to “play hard to get.”

However, such strategies won’t get you the results you want for a variety of reasons. Not knowing how to talk to a woman can be frustrating. This is even more so if you’re actually a good person who merely struggles to spark an initial conversation. Regardless, you need to appreciate that insulting anyone is never a good way to start a relationship. Furthermore, many women have already encountered these strategies. Using them will just make you come across as another desperate online dater who doesn’t know how to talk to girls online.

On top of that, hopefully, you’re not the type of person who would actually consider insulting a woman as a way of starting a conversation. That means even in the highly unlikely scenario that negging (or any similar pick-up artist strategy) actually worked, you wouldn’t be able to turn the conversation into anything genuine.  Because you wouldn’t be representing your actual personality, it won’t be worthwhile in the long run. Authenticity is key in online dating.

4. Seek Out Advice

As we mentioned, you shouldn’t ever listen to pick-up artists. That being said, if you don’t know how to talk to women online, you can still seek out advice. Ask for feedback from others who’ve been in your position before. In many cases it’s still acceptable to, for example, ask others to share their best conversation starters.

You need to exercise judgment when people share the best conversation starters for reaching out to girls online. It’s important to ask yourself whether a suggestion sounds like something a woman would actually respond positively to. You also need to modify the suggestion to make it specific to any girls you’re specifically trying to talk to.

That said, not everyone is naturally skilled at coming up with short and simple first messages that will help them talk to a girl online for the first time. Maybe you’re one of those people. That doesn’t necessarily prove you have nothing to offer once the conversation gets going. It just means you might need some advice on how to word your first message effectively.

5. Don’t Expect the Same Results Every Time

This is a very important point to keep in mind. These online dating tips will help you start a conversation with girls via dating apps and online dating platforms. Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean they will ensure that every single woman you message will message you back.

All women are unique individuals. There is no “secret code” for starting a conversation with one. There are also many reasons a woman might not respond to your message. Maybe she’s busy and overlooked it. Maybe she uses a dating app or website casually and doesn’t actively respond to messages the moment she receives them. Perhaps she already met someone and hasn’t gotten around to deactivating her account. If you expect success every time, you’ll get discouraged.

That doesn’t need to happen! It’s still necessary to set reasonable expectations. Don’t allow yourself to get upset when one approach doesn’t work on every single woman. Luckily, if you persistently apply these tips, you’ll find that starting online conversations with women is much easier than you might think.

Best of luck!