Should You Bring Your Date Home For The Holidays?

The holidays are right around the corner, whether we’re ready or not. We can’t stop them any more than we can stop the family get-togethers that will occur in honor of them. If you’re dating somebody, more than likely you’re facing the conundrum of whether you should bring your date home for the holidays or not. You’ve already had to deal with the stress of finding the perfect gift, what more must you have to torture yourself with?

While bringing someone home for the holidays for the first time isn’t always easy, there are ways to strategize your first holiday together. If you want to bring someone home for Christmas and have your relationship survive, there is a lot to go over in advance. Take the following points into consideration before you even extend the invitation to your date.

Relationship Potential

So, you met somebody with potential. You are so excited at the potential and thinking about sending everybody responsible for your meeting a Christmas card. As far as you’re concerned, dating sites like Zoosk are on Santa’s good list.

But now is the time to contemplate your first Christmas together and how it will affect your relationship. In order to do that, you have to look at where you’re at in your relationship so far with brutal honesty.

Every relationship gets to that moment where you have to assess if there is a future there. Seeing somebody as husband material or the perfect girl is great, but having the potential for a strong and enduring relationship requires that you are both on the same page.

Have you met each other’s friends? Have they met anybody in your family yet? Is there an extra toothbrush in either one of your homes? Are there any plans in the future with a set date like a concert or a weekend away?

Every relationship has these little milestones that mark the next step of becoming serious. Look realistically at how your relationship has progressed. This will let you know if you’re ready to spend holidays together because the first Christmas with family is one of the biggest milestones and maybe it shouldn’t be the first one if no other milestone has come up yet.

Dr. Jenn Mann, a renowned family and couples therapist, strongly suggests that couples at least be at the six-month mark or at the very least have met some of the family already. This is something to consider but also remember that there is no blanket answer. Each relationship is unique and moves at a different pace. The milestones are the key.

Family Dynamics

It’s important to look really closely at how your family is perceived by other people. Are any of the regular family members who show up at holiday dinners embarrassing? This is another factor where you have to be painfully honest with yourself.

Not only do you have to take inventory on who could embarrass you but also think about the fact that if you are at a point where your relationship isn’t defined yet or you are just getting serious, how are you going to field questions about marriage?

That’s right, this is one of those minefields I was talking about. It’s probably one of the biggest ones. Are you going to be able to handle the awkwardness of that? If you two haven’t built a strong enough foundation yet, it’s a bit of a risk.

If you have read through this far and still feel strongly that you’re ready to go, the next step is to ask.

Don’t Apply Pressure

The trick here is to only ask if you won’t be upset if the answer is no. It’s easier said than done, I know. But it’s the best way to move forward with something like this. The last thing you want is your new dating partner to feel pressured.

This is a heavy thing to ask somebody you’re dating. It’s important that when you ask, you aren’t coming from a needy place. This is one of the main things that make a person feel pressured. If you can, find your zen and don’t be attached to the answer.

It’s nerve-racking, I know, but if you can let go of any expectations, it surrounds you with a lighter energy. People pick up on these things and feel the relaxed energy. It’s amazing how much this works. The trick is to figure out how to do it.

One way to tackle it is to let yourself be vulnerable and honest. Be upfront about being nervous when you ask. Don’t make it sound like a test or an ultimatum but do let them know it is important to you. Just as you should be okay with any answer, they should be okay with being asked. If it’s a deal breaker then they aren’t worth it anyway. Being scared by a question means that they lack emotional maturity.

However, there is the chance that they will say no but still want to progress in a relationship with you. They will understand that the question was not a trap.

But then, there is the possibility that they say yes.

The Answer is Yes! Now what?

Congratulations! They said yes. Now comes the really hard part. Making it through the day unscathed, or at the very least, able to recover.

Below are a few tips to help you bring your date home for the holidays and survive the experience.

Tips for meeting the family:

• Tell your family: This one is probably the most important. Tell them that your new love is coming with you and try to get as many of them on board with the plan as possible to help make this first Christmas with family go smoothly.
• Prepare them: Fill your partner in on the family dynamics, in detail. Use names and descriptions so that there are as few surprises as possible. Have a plan to field the embarrassing ones.
• Boundaries: This is part of preparing your family but deserves its own bullet point. Let your family know as you prepare them what you find acceptable and unacceptable table conversation and behavior. It’s not a guarantee they will listen but at least you will make it clear what you expect out of them.
• Go light on the libations: Do not get drunk, it will only complicate things. I repeat, do not get drunk.
• Be ready for questions: Everybody will be curious about you as a couple, particularly how you met. Have your story about how you blissfully met on eHarmony or how you both reached for the same cereal box in the grocery store. Being ready to field the awkward questions is essential
• No politics or religion: This doesn’t need much expanding. Controversial topics never lead anywhere good at family dinners, let alone when there is somebody new who you hope to keep in your life. Just, no.
• Don’t leave them alone: One of the most common complaints about going to family functions with a significant other is being left to fend for yourself socially. Family gatherings are unique in that there is so much rich history and an outsider feels even more outside because they share none of that. Make sure that your partner is tended to as much as possible without hovering so that they don’t feel isolated. This is important.
• Find alone time: Taking them to the side or a quiet room to check in with them and maybe make a few jokes to ease any tension is a perfect way to make sure the mood stays light and they feel supported in a new environment.
• Have fun: Most of all, try to make the night as fun as possible. There is so much to worry about already, the more you can steer the conversation to light and fun topics, the more you try to laugh and make other people laugh, the better it is for everybody.

It’s a little frustrating that so much work has to go into how to bring your date home for the holidays but it’s worth going over just to help keep yourself sane. Keep this in mind, though: it’s temporary. The holidays will pass and you will get through them. We hope that you have your partner there with you to do it but if it doesn’t work out this time, there is always next year.