How to Build a Dating App Profile That Gets Matches as a Gay Black Man

So, you’ve decided to dive into the world of dating apps. First off, congratulations! Putting yourself out there is a big step, and if we’re being real, it’s not always the easiest thing to do. Add the layers of being gay and Black and navigating spaces that don’t always feel built for you, and you’ve got yourself a unique adventure.

Here’s the good news: dating apps can be your best wingman (or wing-app?). Whether you’re looking for love, a casual vibe, or just someone to share memes with at 2 AM, there’s someone out there looking for exactly what you bring to the table. The trick is showing up as your authentic self and creating a profile that attracts the right kind of matches for you.

This guide is all about helping you do just that. We’ll discuss everything—from writing a bio that screams you (without actually screaming) and choosing the best photos to showcase your vibe. I’ll even sprinkle in some advice for handling the emotional stuff, like those little moments of self-doubt that creep in when you’re putting yourself out there.

If you're curious about the best dating apps where Black people can meet, check out our top picks, eharmony, BlackPeopleMeet, and Match.

Step 1: Defining Your Dating Goals

Before you even start swiping, let’s get one thing straight: knowing what you want is key to a successful dating experience. It’s easy to get caught up in the endless profiles and matches, but if you don’t have a clear sense of what you’re looking for, it’s like trying to hit a target while blindfolded.

So, before you start curating that killer profile, take a step back and ask yourself a few questions. This little self-check will not only save you time but also help attract the kind of people who are on the same page as you.

Ask Yourself: What Am I Looking For?

Grab a notebook, your phone’s notes app. What I like to do is think about it over my morning coffee. Ask yourself:

• Am I looking for something serious? Maybe you’re ready for a long-term relationship or even a life partner.
• Do I just want to meet cool people? Friendships, casual connections, or simply expanding your social circle are perfectly valid goals.
• How important are shared experiences? Are cultural understanding or shared values essential to you, or are you open to connecting with people from different walks of life?
• What’s my vibe? Think about how much time and energy you want to invest in dating apps—daily scrolling or just casual weekend swiping?

Turn Your Goals Into Actionable Steps

Now that you’ve got a better idea of what you’re after let’s turn those goals into a game plan for your profile.

If You’re Looking for a Serious Relationship

• Highlight your values: Include a few lines about what you care about most—family, ambition, kindness, or even your love of Sunday morning hikes. This will attract people who share similar priorities.
• Be upfront but fun: No need to overthink it. A simple line like, “Looking for someone to build a connection with—bonus points if you’re into random trivia nights and dad jokes,” keeps things light while being clear about your intentions.

If You’re Here for Casual Fun

• Show your playful side: Your profile should reflect the carefree vibe you’re bringing. Mention hobbies, quirks, or random things that make you laugh. For example, “Big fan of spontaneous road trips, bad karaoke, and laughing until my abs hurt.”
• Set the tone: You don’t have to spell it out, but phrases like “Keeping things light and fun” let people know where you stand.

If You’re Open to Friendships or Networking

• Stay approachable: Write something warm and welcoming, like, “Here to meet interesting people and see where things go. Let’s grab a coffee and chat about your favorite movies or your latest playlist obsession.”

Keep Your Expectations Realistic

Here’s the thing: even with the perfect profile, not every match will be “the one.” And that’s okay! Online dating is a mix of trial and error, meaningful connections, and, sometimes, plain old entertainment.

• Patience pays off: Don’t expect instant results. Building connections takes time.
• It’s a numbers game: Not every match will lead to something special, but each one gets you closer to the right fit.
• Stay open-minded: Sometimes, the people you least expect to vibe with can surprise you.
• Pick the right apps: As soon as you identify your dating goals, you need to pick the most relevant dating apps, whether it be Match.com or BlackPeopleMeet.

Step 2: Crafting a Bio That Gets Attention

Your bio is where the magic happens. It’s your chance to introduce yourself beyond the photos, show off your personality, and give potential matches a reason to swipe right. Think of it like the trailer to a movie—you don’t have to tell the whole story, just enough to make people want to know more.

But here’s the catch: writing a great bio can feel like trying to sum up your life in a tweet. Don’t stress! We’re breaking it down into simple steps that will help you create a bio that feels authentic, engaging, and uniquely you.

Step 2.1: Start with a Strong Opening Line

The first line of your bio is like a handshake—it sets the tone for the rest of your profile. A great opening grabs attention and gives a glimpse of your personality.

Examples of Great Opening Lines:

• “Professional at brunching, amateur at cooking—let’s see who’s better at ordering takeout.”
• “If you love 90s R&B and random trivia, we might just get along.”
• “Here for good vibes, great coffee, and even better conversations.”

Pro Tip: Avoid generic phrases like “I’m just here to see what happens.” It doesn’t give people much to connect with, and you deserve better than a shrug emoji as your first impression. I personally like to add fun facts about myself - 2 truths and 1 lie is always nice.

Step 2.2: Highlight What Makes You, You

What’s something you’re passionate about, a quirky hobby you have, or a random skill that’s totally you? Sharing specifics not only makes your bio more exciting but also gives potential matches easy conversation starters.

Examples of Specifics to Include:

• Your hobbies: “On weekends, you’ll find me cycling through the city or discovering new pizza spots.”
• A unique fact: “I once won a karaoke contest singing Beyoncé—it’s a talent and a true calling of mine.”
• Your vibe: “Equal parts chill Netflix marathons and spontaneous road trips.”

These little details make you more relatable and approachable, so don’t be afraid to show off your interests and quirks.

Step 2.3: Be Clear About What You Want

There’s no need to write an essay, but dropping a line about what you’re looking for helps set expectations and attracts like-minded people. You can do this without being overly formal.

Examples of Different Goals:

• Serious dating: “Looking for someone who’s up for deep convos, weekend adventures, and laughing at my bad jokes.”
• Casual connections: “Just here to meet cool people, share good vibes, and see where it goes.”
• Friendships: “Always down for coffee, conversation, or finding the best spot for happy hour.”

Being upfront saves everyone time and makes it easier to find matches that align with your intentions.

Step 2.4: Inject Some Humor (If That’s Your Style)

If humor comes naturally to you, sprinkle some into your bio. A funny line can make your profile memorable and show that you don’t take yourself too seriously. Just keep it light and fun—nothing overly sarcastic or self-deprecating.

Examples of Light Humor:

• “Fluent in GIFs, bad puns, and ordering dessert before dinner.”
• “Swipe right if you can teach me how to parallel park without breaking a sweat.”
• “Let’s see if our zodiac signs agree before we blame Mercury retrograde.”

Pro Tip: If humor isn’t your thing, no worries; it’s by no means a must. Authenticity always wins over trying to force a joke.

Step 2.5: Keep It Positive

Positivity is attractive. Avoid listing things you don’t want (“No drama,” “Don’t swipe if…”), and focus on what excites you about connecting with someone.

Do This Instead:

• Highlight your interests: “Looking for someone who loves exploring new restaurants and catching live music.”
• Celebrate your openness: “Let’s swap travel stories or debate which Marvel movie is the best.”

A positive tone sets the stage for uplifting and engaging conversations.

Step 2.6: End with an Invitation

Finish your bio with a call-to-action (CTA) that encourages potential matches to reach out. This can be as simple as a question or a fun suggestion.

Examples of CTAs:

• “Tell me your favorite comfort food—I’m always looking for new ideas.”
• “Swipe right if you know the best brunch spot in town.”
• “Let’s start with coffee and see where it goes.”

Ending on an inviting note makes it easier for someone to take the leap and message you.

Bonus: Bio Dos and Don’ts

Do:

• Keep it short and sweet (3-5 sentences is ideal).
• Use emojis sparingly to add personality (e.g., “🌮 lover,” “🎶 concert junkie”).
• Proofread for typos—it shows you care about the details.

Don’t:

• Write an autobiography. Save the deep dive for your chats.
• Use clichés like “I love to laugh” or “Looking for my partner in crime.” Be specific!
• Neglect the bio altogether. A blank profile sends the wrong message.

Step 3: Choosing Photos That Shine

When it comes to dating apps, your photos are the first thing people notice. A great photo set can instantly spark interest and get someone curious about swiping right. But choosing the right pictures isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being authentic and putting your best foot forward.

The goal? Showcase your personality, style, and the things that make you you. Here’s how to nail it.

Step 3.1: Start with a Clear, Friendly Profile Picture

Your main profile picture is your MVP. It’s the first image people will see and oftentimes the only picture people will see, so make it count. Choose a photo where you’re smiling or looking approachable, as it creates an immediate positive vibe.

Tips for the Perfect Profile Pic:

• Good lighting is key: Natural light works wonders, so try snapping a picture outdoors or near a window.
• Go solo: Group shots can be confusing—this picture is about you.
• Dress for the vibe you want to give off: Whether it’s casual and laid-back or polished and stylish, wear something that feels like your best self.

Step 3.2: Show Your Variety with Additional Photos

Your photo gallery is your chance to tell a story about who you are. Use it to highlight different sides of your personality, interests, and lifestyle.

Must-Have Photo Types:

1. Action shots: Include a picture of you doing something you love—whether it’s hiking, playing an instrument, or cooking. It’s a great way to spark conversations about shared interests.
2. Social vibes: A photo with friends (but not your main pic!) can show you’re fun and social. Just make sure you’re the focus of the shot.
3. A full-body photo: This gives people a sense of who you are and feels more transparent. Keep it casual—no need for a posed studio look.
4. A travel or adventure photo: If you’ve been somewhere cool, share it! It can be a great conversation starter.
5. A pet pic (if applicable): If you’ve got a furry friend, show them off! Pets are an easy way to connect with potential matches.

Step 3.3: Keep It Real

It’s tempting to pick only your most polished photos, but authenticity is what wins hearts. People want to see the real you, not an overly filtered version.

How to Keep It Genuine:

• Skip heavy editing or filters—natural photos are more relatable.
• Use recent pictures (ideally taken in the last year). Avoid any “throwbacks” that might mislead someone.
• Smile! A warm, happy expression can make a huge difference.

Step 3.4: Avoid Common Photo Mistakes

Even great profiles can be derailed by a few bad photo choices. Watch out for these pitfalls:

Photo No-Nos:

• Bathroom selfies: They’re cliché and don’t usually give off the best impression (unless that’s the vibe you’re trying to give off, which is also alright!)
• Blurry or low-quality photos: Clear, well-lit pictures are a must.
• Too many group photos: While it’s fine to include one or two, make sure most of your photos focus on you.
• Shirtless gym pics (unless relevant): If fitness is a big part of your life, one workout pic is okay, but keep it tasteful.

Step 3.5: Ask for Feedback

If you’re unsure which photos to use, ask a friend for advice! My friends always offer an outside perspective and help me pick the pictures that best represent me. If you're still struggling you might want to check out our article on secrets to creating a great dating profile.

What to Ask:

• “Which of these photos feels the most me?”
• “Do these pictures show off my personality?”
• “Are any of these photos sending the wrong vibe?”

Step 3.6: Make Your Photos Match Your Bio

Your photos and bio should work together to tell a cohesive story. For example:

• If your bio says you love hiking, include a picture of you on a trail.
• Mention your love of cooking? Add a fun shot of you in the kitchen.
• Talk about your dog? Let’s see that cute pup!

This creates a more complete and authentic picture of who you are, making it easier for matches to connect with you.

Bonus: Photo Dos and Don’ts

Do:

• Keep your photo set balanced—around 4-6 pictures are ideal.
• Show off your personality, whether artsy, outdoorsy, or fashion-forward.
• Be mindful of your background. A clean, uncluttered space keeps the focus on you.

Don’t:

• Use overly staged or professional photos—they can feel impersonal.
• Include someone else’s kids (unless they’re yours). It might send mixed signals.
• Repeat similar shots. Variety is more engaging.

Step 4: Starting and Maintaining Great Conversations

So, you’ve matched—congrats! Now comes the fun (and sometimes nerve-wracking) part: starting and keeping up a conversation that feels natural and engaging. The key is to approach this step with confidence, curiosity, and a dash of authenticity. If you haven’t got any matches yet, don’t get discouraged! To learn how to become a real pro and hack the apps check out our piece How To Get Dating App Algorithms To Work In Your Favor.

Good conversations don’t have to feel like job interviews. They’re about connection, shared interests, and a bit of light-hearted fun. Let’s break it down.

Step 4.1: Start with a Personalized Message

A simple “Hey” might feel safe, but it’s not exactly memorable. Instead, take a moment to personalize your opening message based on their profile. This shows genuine interest and sets a positive tone.

Examples of Great Openers:

• Comment on their bio: “I saw you’re into live music—what’s the best concert you’ve ever been to?”
• Ask about a photo: “Is that Italy in your second pic? It looks amazing—where was it?”
• Show curiosity about their interests: “Your love for true crime podcasts speaks to my soul—any must-listens?”

Pro Tip: If you’re stuck, try a light, fun question like, “If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?” It’s easy and keeps the mood playful. For more ideas here are some dating app conversation starters.

Step 4.2: Keep the Energy Balanced

Conversations flow best when they’re a two-way street. Make sure you’re not turning it into a monologue or grilling session. Share a bit about yourself, too!

Example of Balanced Flow:

• Them: “I love hiking in the mountains—it’s my weekend escape.”
• You: “Same here! I just did a hike at [location] last month—what’s your favorite trail?”

This keeps the conversation dynamic and shows you’re both engaged.

Step 4.3: Lean Into Your Personality

Don’t overthink it—just be yourself. If you’re naturally witty, let that shine. If you’re more laid-back, keep it chill. Authenticity is way more attractive than trying to impress someone with a version of yourself that isn’t real.

Examples:

• If you’re playful: “So, do you believe pineapple belongs on pizza? This could make or break us.”
• If you’re curious: “Your bio mentioned you love history—what’s a random fact that totally blew your mind?”

Step 4.4: Navigate Small Talk Like a Pro

Yes, small talk can feel a bit meh, but it’s a necessary step to ease into deeper conversations. Think of it as a warm-up round.

Great Small Talk Starters:

• “What’s your go-to way to unwind after a long week?”
• “Any fun plans this weekend?”
• “What’s a movie you could watch a million times and never get bored of?”

Small talk doesn’t have to be boring if you ask open-ended questions that invite more than one-word answers.

Step 4.5: Read the Room (or Chat, in This Case)

Not every conversation will have instant sparks, and that’s okay. Pay attention to the vibe:

• • If they’re engaged: Keep the momentum going by responding thoughtfully and asking follow-up questions.
  • If they’re slow to respond or disinterested: Don’t take it personally. Sometimes people aren’t in the right headspace, or they might not be as interested as you are. It’s better to focus on connections that feel mutual.

• If you aren’t feeling them: Be polite but straightforward - check out our article with polite texts to send when you’re not feeling it.

Pro Tip: If the energy feels one-sided, don’t force it. Move on with grace and keep the door open for better matches.

Step 4.6: Sprinkle in Some Flirting

If the vibe feels right, a little playful flirting can go a long way. Keep it light and respectful—you want to make them smile, not feel uncomfortable.

Flirty Lines That Work:

• “Careful, you’re setting the bar really high with that smile.”
• “Okay, but when are we starting our epic karaoke duo?”
• “You’ve got great taste—what’s something I need to try ASAP?”

Remember: Flirting should feel fun and mutual. If they’re not reciprocating, tone it down and focus on friendly conversation instead.

Step 4.7: Transition to Meeting IRL

Once you’ve built a solid connection through chat, it’s time to suggest taking things offline (if you’re comfortable). Keep it casual and low-pressure.

How to Bring It Up:

• “I’m really enjoying our chats—want to grab a coffee sometime?”
• “We should continue this conversation over drinks. What’s your schedule like?”
• “You’ve got great taste in [topic]—how about sharing it over dinner?”

The key is to suggest something simple and fun, giving them room to say yes or suggest an alternative. Make sure to check our 34 Fun First Date Ideas article to get inspired.

Step 4.8: Handling Rejection Gracefully

Not every conversation will lead to a date, and that’s perfectly okay. If they’re not interested or don’t respond, don’t sweat it. It’s not a reflection of your worth—it just means they weren’t the right match.

How to Handle It:

• If they politely decline: “No worries at all! Wishing you the best on here.”
• If they ghost: Let it go and focus on other matches. It’s their loss.

Bonus: Conversation Dos and Don’ts

Do:

• Ask open-ended questions to keep things flowing.
• Be yourself—confidence and authenticity are key.
• Respect their boundaries and pace.

Don’t:

• Overload them with messages if they’re not responding.
• Be overly formal or robotic—this is dating, not a business meeting.
• Lead with negativity or complaints. Positive energy is attractive!

Step 5 & 6: Setting Realistic Expectations and Staying Safe

Online dating can be a rollercoaster of emotions—exciting highs, awkward moments, and sometimes, unexpected disappointments. The key to enjoying the ride is to set realistic expectations and keep your safety top of mind. Here’s how to approach online dating with confidence, balance, and a healthy dose of common sense.

Stay Grounded: It’s a Numbers Game

Not every match will turn into a deep connection, and that’s okay. It’s easy to get caught up in the highs and lows of swiping, but remember:

• Rejection is normal: It doesn’t mean you’re not amazing. Sometimes people’s lives or preferences just don’t align, and that’s no reflection on your worth.
• Not every match leads to magic: Some conversations fizzle out—and that’s part of the process. Celebrate the connections that do spark, and let the others go without overthinking.
• Focus on quality over quantity: A few meaningful conversations are more valuable than endless matches that go nowhere.

Pro Tip: Don’t take long silences or unreturned messages personally. It’s not about you—it’s about finding someone who genuinely vibes with your energy.

Prioritize Your Safety

While dating apps make meeting new people easier, it’s essential to prioritize your safety. Most people are great, but it’s always better to be cautious when interacting with strangers.

Protect Your Privacy

• Limit personal details: Avoid sharing your full name, home address, or workplace early on.
• Use the app’s messaging features: Keep your conversations within the app until you’re comfortable.
• Be mindful of social media: If your profile is public, someone could use it to find personal details about you. Consider keeping it private or limiting what you share.

Recognize Red Flags

Trust your instincts—if something feels off, it probably is. Common red flags to watch for:

• Overly personal questions early on: Asking for sensitive information or financial help.
• Inconsistent stories: If their details don’t add up, tread carefully.
• Rushing to meet in private: Pushback on public meetups or boundaries is a big no.

Meet Safely in Real Life

When you’re ready to take things offline, follow these steps to ensure your safety:

1. Choose a public location: Always meet somewhere busy, like a coffee shop or restaurant.
2. Tell a friend your plans: Share details about where you’re going, who you’re meeting, and when you expect to return.
3. Stay in control of transportation: Drive yourself or arrange your own ride so you can leave if needed.
4. Watch your drink: If alcohol is involved, never leave your drink unattended.

Pro Tip: Set up a check-in system with a friend. A quick “safe” text can provide peace of mind for both of you.

Handle Awkward or Unsafe Situations

Sometimes, things don’t go as planned. Whether it’s a date that lacks chemistry or one that crosses a line, here’s how to navigate:

• Be honest but kind: If you’re not feeling the connection, a polite, “I had a nice time, but I don’t think we’re a match,” works wonders.
• Have an exit plan: If the date feels uncomfortable, don’t hesitate to excuse yourself. A “call from a friend” can give you a quick out.
• Report suspicious behavior: Most apps have tools to report harassment, scams, or inappropriate behavior. Use them to protect yourself and others.
• Look out for Red Flags: For more information, check out our in-depth article.

Give Yourself Grace

Navigating dating apps as a gay Black man comes with unique challenges. From biases to microaggressions, it’s normal to encounter moments that feel disheartening. In those moments, remember:

• You are enough: Your worth isn’t tied to a match or someone else’s approval.
• Celebrate your wins: Whether it’s a great date or simply putting yourself out there, every step forward matters.
• Take breaks if needed: Your mental health always comes first.

Conclusion: Your Profile, Your Journey

Creating a dating app profile that gets matches isn’t about perfection—it’s about authenticity. As a gay Black man, your journey is uniquely yours, and the right connections will come from showing up as your full, unapologetic self. Whether you’re looking for love, casual connections, or just expanding your social circle, the tips in this guide can help you approach online dating with confidence and clarity.

Remember, it’s not about how many matches you get—it’s about the quality of those connections. Set realistic goals, craft a profile that reflects your personality, and stay open to the process. Dating is a journey, not a destination, so take your time and enjoy the ride.

And most importantly: stay safe, trust your instincts, and never forget your worth. You deserve connections that celebrate and value the incredible person you are.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

Now that you’re equipped with all the tools to create a profile that stands out, why not explore the best dating apps for gay Black men? Our in-depth reviews cover everything from app features to user experiences, helping you find the platform that’s right for your goals. If you want to skip straight to our personal favorites, check out eharmony, BlackPeopleMeet, and Match. Happy swiping!