How to Start a Conversation on a Dating App

Matching with someone who feels like a perfect fit is a rush. They’ve got a witty bio, a love for obscure indie bands you thought only you knew about, and let’s not overlook the adorable dog photo (seriously, instant heart eyes). But then comes the tricky part: starting the conversation.

Do you wait for them to make the first move, or do you dive in and say something clever? Sure, you could send a simple “hello” and call it a day, but let’s be real—how many times has a “hi” actually led to a great conversation? First impressions matter, especially when it comes to online dating, so why not take this chance to stand out?

Crafting the best way to start a conversation on a dating app doesn’t have to be rocket science. It’s about being thoughtful and fun without overthinking it. Whether you’re figuring out how to start a conversation on a dating app with a girl who’s a certified dog mom or a guy whose love for dad jokes matches your vibe, the key is to break the ice with something memorable.

Think of all those dry first messages you’ve received—“sup” or “how r u” doesn’t exactly scream effort, right? Now imagine being the person who flips the script with a creative or funny opener. With a little thought and some solid conversation starters for online dating, you can make your first message count and set the tone for a connection worth exploring.

Why Is Starting a Conversation So Intimidating?

It’s the age-old struggle—starting a conversation on a dating app feels like navigating a minefield of expectations. Whether you’re the one sending the first message on a dating app or figuring out how to start a dating app conversation with someone who seems like “the one,” the pressure to get it just right can be overwhelming. Why? Because unlike striking up a conversation in a coffee shop or at a party, you’re competing against a sea of other matches vying for the same person’s attention.

See, the competition on dating apps has never been fiercer. It’s not like the algorithm is on your side, anyway. A simple “hi” might get overlooked, even though it’s perfectly fine. But wait, how is there so much competition? Is everyone on the apps? Well, yeah, actually.

About three-in-ten Americans have used a dating app or site, a figure unchanged since 2019. Younger adults are the most active users, with 53% of those aged 18 to 29 having tried online dating, compared to 37% of those aged 30 to 49, 20% of those aged 50 to 64, and just 13% of adults aged 65 and older. While this might sound like a dream scenario, too many options can make it harder to focus on just one person. Instead of simplifying things, it can amplify the pressure to craft the best way to start a conversation on a dating app.

That’s easier said than done when the stakes feel so high. Every word, emoji, and punctuation mark can feel like a make-or-break decision, especially when the fear of rejection looms large. What if your message goes unanswered? What if you get ghosted after that perfectly crafted opener? For many, starting a conversation on a dating app is more nerve-wracking than a face-to-face introduction.

The good news? A thoughtful, personalized approach is often all it takes to make a strong first impression—and, who knows, maybe even a lasting connection.

Unlocking Clues in Their Profile

Starting a conversation on a dating app becomes much easier when you take the time to dig into your match’s profile. While swiping, it’s easy to make split-second decisions—like swiping right because they’re holding a puppy or rocking a cool band t-shirt. But once you slow down and explore their bio, photos, and prompts, you can discover the clues you need to send the first message on a dating app.

Scrolling through their profile helps in two ways: it reveals whether they’re genuinely worth your time and provides material to craft a thoughtful first message. You’d be surprised how often people skip this step and jump straight into starting a conversation on a dating app without knowing much about the person on the other side. Don’t be that person.

First, start by looking for details that showcase shared interests, hobbies, or values. For example, if their profile mentions a love for hiking, an opener like “I saw you love hiking! Do you have a favorite trail? I’m always looking for new places to explore” is a perfect conversation starter. Similarly, if you spot a travel photo—like one of them in Tokyo—you could say, “I noticed your photo in Tokyo; I’ve been dying to visit! What was your favorite part of the trip?”

The key is to go beyond surface-level details like their job or how they look. Instead, ask yourself: What does their profile say about their personality? Are they adventurous, creative, or someone who loves a good laugh? Engaging with these deeper elements not only makes starting a conversation on a dating app more meaningful but also allows you to vet a potential match before diving into another talking stage.

By putting in this extra effort, you’ll stand out with a first message that feels personalized and genuine—and that’s how you start making real connections.

How to Craft the Perfect Opener

Your match is waiting, and you’re staring at the blinking cursor in the chat box. What do I say? How do I start a dating app conversation? This moment can feel like the ultimate test. The right opener could set the stage for a great conversation, while a dull or generic first message might send things straight to the ghost zone.

But guess what? You don’t need to reinvent the wheel to make a memorable first impression. The best way to start a conversation on a dating app is to focus on being authentic, thoughtful, and just a little creative.

Here’s how to master starting a conversation on a dating app, complete with strategies, examples, and tips that incorporate conversation starters for online dating.

Start with Humor and Flirty Charm

Humor works wonders as an icebreaker because it creates an instant connection and puts both of you at ease. A well-placed joke or witty remark can break through the initial awkwardness and make your message stand out among the sea of “Hi” and “How’s it going?”

Adding a hint of flirtiness takes it up a notch, striking the perfect balance between playful and engaging. It shows confidence and gives your match a glimpse of your personality, making the conversation feel natural and exciting from the start. A clever, funny opener not only grabs their attention but also makes them curious to learn more about you.

“Are you really…?” Statements

Ask a playful question that references something from their profile, then follow up with a flirty comment.

• “Are you really a doctor? I didn’t know they were this cute. 😉”
• “Are you really a dog mom? Can I apply to be your pup’s favorite human snack provider?”

“What’s the worst…?” Scenarios

A humorous “what’s the worst” question invites them to share a funny story and helps you relate to one another instantly.

• “What’s the worst opener you’ve received on here? Please tell me it wasn’t mine.’”
• “What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on? Mine involved a karaoke disaster and a mystery ferret showing up at dinner.”

The Playful Compliment

Compliments can be flirty or funny, but they should feel genuine. What stood out to you from their profile? Was there something cute, funny, or relatable that you particularly took notice of?

• “I swiped right on you solely because of your dog. Can we share custody?”
• “Are you this charming in person, or is it just your profile working overtime?”

Be Friendly, Thoughtful, and Enthusiastic

Not everyone’s a stand-up comedian—and guess what? You don’t have to be. If humor isn’t your go-to, that’s totally fine. Sometimes the best way to stand out on a dating app isn’t with a joke, but with sincerity and a little effort. Because let’s face it, genuine connection beats a corny pick-up line any day.

Here’s the thing: people want to feel seen. Taking a moment to actually read their profile and reference something unique about them shows you’re not just swiping mindlessly. It’s thoughtful, it’s intentional, and—bonus—it sets the tone for a real conversation. Pair that with a little enthusiasm, and you’ve already made a better first impression than half the “Hey, what’s up?” messages they’re probably getting.

Ask About Their Profile

refine:Look for clues in their bio or photos that can inspire a personalized message. And once you’re scouring, you might as well look out for some red flags.

• “I love [insert restaurant]. Next you go, get the [insert item from menu]. It’s the best!”
• “You’ve been to Japan? It’s on my bucket list! Any tips for a first-timer?”
• “Your profile mentions tacos. What’s the best spot in town to grab one? Asking for… me.”

Highlight Common Interests You Share

Sharing mutual interests creates instant rapport.

• “I noticed you like scuba diving. I just got my license! What’s your go to diving spot?”
• “I see you’re a fan of [TV show]. I’m obsessed, too! Who’s your favorite character?”
• “Your profile says you love ’80s movies. Same here! What’s your favorite?”

Play a Game

If you want to break out of the mundane and show off your playful side, kicking things off with a game is a fantastic way to go. Not only does it make your opener stand out, but it also creates an instant sense of fun and engagement that makes your match want to reply.

Think about it—when was the last time you had a genuinely interesting conversation that started with a boring question? Probably never. Games, on the other hand, add a sense of spontaneity and creativity that can lighten the mood and take the pressure off both of you. Plus, they’re a great way to show a little personality while learning more about your match in a low-stakes, enjoyable way.

“This or That” Questions

Simple yet engaging, these questions let them share their preferences while keeping the tone playful.

• “Chocolate chip or Oreo cookies? This could be a dealbreaker!”
• “East Coast or West Coast rap? Choose wisely!”

Finish the Sentence

Offer an open-ended statement for them to complete.

• “The best pizza topping is…?”
• “The most embarrassing song on my playlist is… What’s yours?”

What to Avoid

When it comes to starting a conversation on a dating app, not every opener is a home run. In fact, some messages can unintentionally send the wrong vibe or make your match lose interest before the conversation even begins. The truth is, first impressions matter, especially online, and a poorly thought-out opener can be the difference between sparking a connection and being left on read.

If you want to stand out in a good way, it’s important to know what to avoid. Certain approaches, like generic messages or overly familiar language, can come across as lazy, unoriginal, or even off-putting. And while humor and flirtation can work wonders, taking it too far or diving into inappropriate topics right away is a major turn-off.

Being Creepy

Nothing ends a conversation faster than coming on too strong or sounding inappropriate. Focusing only on physical appearance or making overly forward or sexual comments is a surefire way to send the wrong message.

Avoid messages like:

• “You look good in a bikini. Would love to see you out of one, though.”
• “I looked at your photos, and I just have one question: how aren’t we married already?”

Being Unoriginal

We get it—crafting the perfect opener takes effort, but nothing screams disinterest like a generic message. The classic “Hi” or “Hey” barely scratches the surface and shows zero effort in starting a meaningful conversation.

Avoid overly generic openers such as:

• “Hi there, how’s your day been?”
• “So I see you work in X. What’s that like?”

Putting the Burden on Them

A vague opener like “Tell me about yourself” places all the responsibility for continuing the conversation on the other person. It’s not only lazy but also puts unnecessary pressure on your match to figure out how to respond. Instead, lead with a specific question or comment that shows you’re genuinely interested in getting to know them.

Unintentionally Turning People Off

Sometimes, it’s the small things that can derail a conversation before it even starts. Bad grammar, poorly structured messages, or typos can come across as careless and unappealing.

Similarly, oversharing too soon can make someone feel uncomfortable. While you might be eager to connect, sending a long-winded message or revealing too much personal information right away can feel overwhelming.

For example, avoid:

• “So, my last relationship was a total disaster. Anyway, what are you looking for on here?”
• “I noticed you like hiking. My mom’s boyfriend loves hiking too, and he’s always trying to get me to go with him because…” (and then launching into an essay).

How to Recover from a Rough Start

Not every first message is going to feel like a cinematic meet-cute. Sometimes your opener doesn’t land the way you hoped, or the conversation that started strong suddenly feels like it’s circling the drain. Don’t panic—an awkward moment or a fizzling chat isn’t a death sentence for your potential connection. Starting a conversation on a dating app is a skill, and even if it doesn’t go perfectly, there are plenty of ways to bounce back.

If your first message flopped or things have taken an awkward turn, try addressing it head-on with a lighthearted comment. Acknowledging the stumble and asking for a reset shows you’re confident and don’t take yourself too seriously.

Remember, you can always reset! Here’s how:

• “Okay, that wasn’t my smoothest move. Can we hit the restart button?”
• “I feel like I’ve already blown my cool, but you seem worth a do-over. Start fresh?”
• “I’ll admit, I got nervous because you really seem like my type. Can we start over from zero?”

Owning the awkwardness can be endearing and might even make your match feel more comfortable. It’s a reminder that dating isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being real.

If They’re Not Interested, It’s Okay to Let Go

Let’s be honest… not every match will lead to fireworks. Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the other person just isn’t feeling it—and that’s okay. Remember, about three-in-ten Americans have used a dating app, so there are plenty of other potential matches waiting.

If someone stops responding or lets you know they’re not interested, take it as a sign to move forward. It’s not a reflection of your worth, but rather a reminder that not every connection is meant to be. Dating apps are about possibilities, and every match, even the ones that don’t work out, brings you closer to finding the right person!

Now that you’ve read how to start a conversation on a dating app, consider checking out our article about how to make those pesky dating app algorithms work in your favor. And if you’ve scored that first date, here’s your ultimate 101 guide to the best icebreaker tips to get the conversation flowing.

Still searching for the perfect app to spark meaningful connections? Explore our reviews of standout platforms like eHarmony for deep, relationship-focused matching, Elite Singles for successful professionals, and Silver Singles if you’re over 50 and ready to mingle!