Questions to Ask Yourself After A First Date

Rachel Rumbelow | 17.04.19 | 0 Comments

Congratulations, you had your first date. You found the dating site for you, calmed your first date nerves and got yourself out there. It’s not an easy thing to do. So, now what? How do you decide your next move after the first date?

A lot of people get into the trap of thinking that everybody deserves a second date. That’s not necessarily true. When choosing to continue dating a person or not, there are a few compatibility signs to consider to make sure that you don’t waste your time. Read on to find out what questions to ask yourself after a first date.

The 6 Questions You Always Should Ask Yourself After the First Date

1. How Was the Nonverbal Communication?

Nonverbal communication is just as important (if not more so) than verbal communication. For that reason, it’s important to look back and consider how the nonverbal communication was after the first date.

Eye contact is a valuable part of body language in a relationship. It can help increase the confidence levels of both parties so that the conversation flows better and it’s a good indicator of the level of interest your date may have.

If you noticed that your date didn’t have a good level of eye contact, this could mean they’re shy or that they have social anxiety. On its own, it shouldn’t be a dealbreaker, however, if they showed a level of confidence in other ways, such as their interactions with the server, then the lack of eye contact should be concerning.

If the eye contact was good—a normal amount without being creepy—and the conversation flowed well, this is a great sign. This sort of body language suggests that they are interested and most-likely attracted to you.

nonverbal-communication

2. Did Their Values Match Yours?

You want to avoid getting too serious in your first date conversation, however, some topics are important to know right away. For example, if you are against drugs of any kind, it’s important to know if they ever partake in them.

While it’s too early to talk about marriage, if you feel a connection, finding out what your date is looking for is still important. If they’re at a point where they aren’t ready to settle down and you are, a second date will be a waste of your time as this is one of the most important compatibility signs.

If your date has a job that you disagree with or a financial outlook you aren’t comfortable with, these are also things that should be deal breakers. Compatibility is not just about interests but about your outlook on life and the values you hold.

A good way to make sure your values line up from the beginning is to use a dating site like Christian Mingle. They focus on Christian values and offer a higher possibility that any connection you make will be looking for the same type of relationship and hold the same values.

Thinking you can change someone when it comes to values is a kiss of death for any relationship. If you overlook a difference in values, the relationship is already over before it began. Try not to stick your head in the sand for the sake of chemistry. A mismatch of values is a dealbreaker that shouldn’t be overlooked.

3. How Did They Treat the Service Staff?

Often called “The Waiter Rule”, how people treat those in service positions says a lot about their character. Being kind and generous with people who are serving you—whether at a restaurant, a movie theater or a cash register anywhere—shows a kind and generous instinct.

Why is this important? If somebody is going to treat a service professional well, that means they’ll most likely treat you well. This is a window into how they treat people in general, which reflects well on what kind of partner they’ll be.

By the way, if you do give them a chance and it progresses to something serious, keep this rule in mind as it also applies to how they treat their family. This is one of the more important dating questions as it leads into the next point, respect.

the-waiter-rule

4. Did You Feel Respected?

Respect is probably one of the most important signs that a person would be a good partner. You can’t have good communication without respect. Most experts agree that communication is the most important aspect of any relationship.

If your partner doesn’t respect you, they won’t respect the importance of good communication with you. The problem is that a lot of us are not taught to value ourselves as we should, so it’s hard to know what questions to ask yourself when it comes to respect.

Here is a list of respectful and disrespectful behaviors to ponder after the first date before you consider saying yes to a second meeting:

Respect:

  • They showed up on time.
  • They listened to you and asked questions.
  • They paid attention to your likes and dislikes.
  • They were friendly.
  • They were flexible and willing to compromise.

Disrespect:

  • They were late and didn’t care how it affected you.
  • They talked mostly about themselves.
  • They interrupted you often.
  • They insulted you or made you feel bad about yourself.
  • They refused to compromise and were only willing to do what they wanted.

5. Did You Feel Safe?

Did your date put you in danger in any way? Did they show a lack of concern for your safety? Did they show signs of addiction or being out of control? If you answer yes to any of these questions, that should be an automatic dealbreaker.

The first date is when we are on our best behavior, if your date is already showing dangerous behavior, it will only get worse from here. This could even be something as simple as them not taking an allergy you have seriously. Any kind of disregard for your well-being is not okay.

If your date tried to pressure you into anything you didn’t feel comfortable with, that’s also not okay. They did not take your emotional safety into consideration and that’s just as bad as your physical safety. If this happens, don’t even worry about waiting until after the first date ends — find a way to jump ship on this date!

Certainly, safety is a priority that should not be overlooked. Even if they were only careless with their own safety, that shows they don’t value themselves. If that’s the case, the likelihood of them valuing anybody else is low. If you encounter this on a date, wish them the best and move on.

6. Did You Feel Energized or Drained After the First Date?

We’ve all had those nights where we met someone who we had an instant connection with and stayed up until 3 am talking, laughing and not even noticing the time melting away. Usually, after a night like that, you still feel good and energized the next day with barely any sleep. The energy shared between the two of you was electric and enough to keep you going.

There are also those people who make us feel drained after only being around them for an hour. Our head fills with fog and we become low-energy, following their cues and letting them lead the conversation because we have nothing left.

Those are two extremes but there is also a range in between. Which side of the spectrum did you feel closest to? Were you more energized or drained after the date? Sometimes we don’t pay attention to these things until it’s too late. Staying aware of how your date affects your energy levels is an early indication of whether they warrant a second date.

Sometimes you can avoid this kind of experience altogether if you use a site like Match.com to help you connect and communicate through chat and on the phone before you meet. If your date is an energy vampire, this will most likely come through via their digital communication as well.

Final Thoughts

Keep in mind that deciding if you want a second date is not yet committing to the person. What you’re saying is that you think there is potential there and you want to flesh it out a bit more. The same goes for the third date.

The most important thing at this point after the first date is feeling respected, safe, a sense of compatibility, and, most of all, to have fun! If the second date goes well, you can take these questions to ask yourself after a first date and apply it to deciding on a third.

rachel-haughenberry
Rachel Rumbelow
author

Rachel is a freelance writer and young widow who understands life is short and refuses to take it for granted. Using this attitude, she's taken the world by storm and is excited to share her knowledge and expertise.

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